[0:00] Welcometo Artful aging with your host Amy are you a senior or caregiver of a seniorlooking for.
AndDirection best selling author educator and expert in Senior Living Amy Friesenis here.
Withthe help you need while providing you with an important and valuable supportnetwork so now please welcome the host of Artful aging Amy Friesen.
[0:30] Good morning everyone I'm AmyFriesen and this is Artful aging with Amy we're live from Bold Brave TV andtoday I'm joined with Mark to get an author and keynote speaker on advocacy andaging
whatis advocacy some of you may say advocacy is acting in favor of or supportinganother person.
Asmany of you have now been exposed to since covid advocacy for our seniors is soso important and many families do advocate.
Yetsome families are still trying to find the balance of when and how much advocacyto do as to not step on their loved one's toes.
[1:08] At no time in the past havewe had such an influx of seniors though in our population especially in Canadawe're at about 7 million seniors 65 Plus.
Sothis influx will disrupt what we already know and many companies will have toplay catch-up.
Thegovernment will have to play catch-up which leaves these spaces where thingscan fall through the cracks.
Beingan advocate of your for your senior loved one is one way to help thatcircumvent these serious issues.
[1:38] After a successful careerlaunching and commercializing Innovations in Telecom Telecom andentrepreneurial startups Maxi Maxi game turned his attention to the challengesof Financial and Personal Care Management for elders.
Hehas helped many families including his own plan for the ideal.
Planfor sorry it plan for and deal with the inevitable changes in life.
Andaging as they begin sorry for the tongue twister welcome back and thanks somuch for joining us and really happy to have you on today.
[2:11] Thank you for having me andthank you for putting these shows on it's it's a great set of,
contentfor the community and especially the Aging Community I've listened to many ofthem and congratulations again it's a phenomenal and thank you for having mewell thank you and that's what our filet jeans all about as you and I weretalking about it,
it'sabout bringing pieces of information all together on one platform so people canpick and choose what they need.
[2:37] So Mark maybe we could startby telling us more about your own journey and how you decided to write andspeak on advocacy and again I haven't said this yet but marks book is advocacyand aging which is available and Works website but he'll tell us a little bitmore work,
yeahso thank you the journey was an interesting one and,
reallygoes back to I've always had an interest in State financial planning as estateplanning not as much when you're young but as you get older.
Butmy father-in-law when he retired.
[3:07] Got really passionate aboutEstate Planning and read a lot of books and he shared some of it in hindsightprobably not as much and you know I believe very much an open conversationwe'll talk more about that but probably more than the average
butin hindsight what he did not plan for is to lose his mind and as he lost hismind he started.
Forcontrol sake everyone seemed to want to keep control and not share themanagement and so on it started simplifying things and changing things and someof the things that done very well and it's only one day when he
weuncovered that he actually sold an asset I won't get into the details for fivecents on a dollar and we said oh my goodness and really he was trying to do theright thing remove the burden from the family and so on but,
thatwas not a good thing and and we had at that point recognize we knew he wasearly in dementia but.
Recognizeit was time to get involved so I thought that point having and that reallyopened my eyes because if he hadn't planned for those.
[4:12] I would have assumed thatmost of the population than sold.
MyI got more interested in subject got in Social conversation got practicallyengaged my parents and that turned out to be a really really positiveexperience and then really I started wearing my own and as I was planning I.
Irealized that my criteria were very clear I was planning for what happens if Ilose my mind what happens if I lose control,
Ineed to find a way to hand it over which most people don't think aboutproactively and and so that's a bit of the story and over time I drew up aframework.
TheCrux but that tells me how I got engaged and develop the framework the bookcame about when my 60th birthday yes I'm 64 over 60,
someonegave me a book it's willing wisdom by Tom Dean's which really great read Iwould recommend it to anybody simple read I jumped into it and it was aboutopen communication but it was more dealing.
Forafter death and how you openly communicate about your wishes for how your stateis to be distributed and.
Ireally really like that book and I kind of said wow.
[5:25] I'm merely focus on theliving year well he's focused on the after situation and I said I couldprobably wrote a book.
AndI got in touch with Tom by circumstance and over a few conversation.
Henot only encouraged me gave me some very important hints and one point Ibasically said if I don't do this.
I'llalways regret it so that's how I started writing a book and it's a process andit's been a phenomenal journey and I still learn it some Journey that's goingto continue I still learn every day.
Aboutsomething new and you know about how important and how significant this.
Thisnew economy in reality is and what people are facing I'm curious to know whenwhen things were going on with your dad
didyou have that kind of balancing act that I was mentioning at the first likewindow I step in you know
obviouslyhe's got his background his education things like that you know that was goingon his life and then things start to change like you said with his cognitivedid you have that Balancing Act of like okay now oh wait not now
didthat come across well it was with my father-in-law and that's even more it wasmore difficult because it's not my father
andone point I talked to my mom my mom my wife and and she you know I kind of saidyou know.
[6:43] We've known that your dad'sdegrading but you know when you get involve and I did approach him very quietlyat one point we were visiting they live in the four hours away and don't seethem often and and I kind of say I told him I said,
whenis it that you decide that you're don't have the capability of driving.
[7:02] And it was an interestingconversation and I'm not sure whether that had an impact but he startedrealizing and opening a conversation and it's it's when that next.
[7:12] Event where he sold that theparticular asset that
youknow kind of everyone woke up and at that point fortunately it was he was veryopen my mother-in-law which actually had dementia both of them had dementiawhich makes it even worse that
theywere open but not knots all the case in my family situation actually my mom wasvery aggressive and then in defiance so that's another story we could made talkabout later so but it's
youdo and in my book I do talk about how to do the transition gradually and reallyif you start early you can build the trust in a relationship and it's a
kindof a wonderful thing if you do it right I find that a lot of people I meanwe're again for the audience that watches us we're all about planning and pre-planningand making sure you're prepared
alot of people don't want to take that step until the step is maybe too late sothat's a difficult for a lot of my clients it's even in my family.
Butlet's continue this conversation after the break Mach.
Whenwe when we come back we will continue the conversation and we're going to talka little bit about misconceptions and what advocacy in aging is.
You'rewatching early June with Amy on bull Brave TV Artful aging with Amy iscurrently looking for gas and show ideas for our next season.
Dropus a line at hello at Artful aging with a me.com and let us know what you wouldlike to learn about in our upcoming season.
[8:40] Welcome back Mac is joiningus today we're having a look at advocacy and aging and we're going to take abit of a deeper dive,
nowone way to look at advocacy is in a large group of people advocating to makechange but there's also people like
Sally'smom and Esters mom and all of these people that are trying to advocate
fortheir loved ones to make sure that their care needs are met to make sure theirfinancial needs are met and all the rest and so Mack could you please tell us alittle bit more about what advocacy and aging means
yeahwell let me start by first saying that when I started writing the book andtrying to put my thoughts together in a framework and you know crystallized aframework,
Iwas not actually focus on advocacy nor to the concept of building a team aroundyou and.
[9:29] What I realized as I wasputting the pieces together our few things so first of all is that
thebasic premise of the book was that we're going to live longer and as we livelonger you're going to have to agree to capability and whether we like it ornot and most people don't like to think of that concept then you're going toneed some support and help.
Andif you kind of listen to The Standard.
Recommendationpeople say well you're going to go to your decision maker which is the personthat you would have named in your power of attorney whether it's poverty for propertyand so on and and a lot of that is limited to that but but really.
Asyou work through and talk to people and so on so forth there's two things thatreally stand out first of all you're going to need probably more help than youyou think there's going to be more transitions than you think and.
[10:22] Most important there's a lotof people that want to help you you've built in your life you know communitiesaround you families around you and.
Peopledon't realize that you want you know people are willing to help so
asyou go through a process of planning and planning takes more than just theFinancial Focus it takes to healthcare Focus to House Healthcare focus and soon so forth so the concept is to Bill
fundamentallya community around you and I actually have eventually introduced the concept offive sub teams.
Thatbecome Advocates and you can nurture a obviously starting with who yourdelegates your legal delegates whether it's executor is your power of attorneysand so on so forth.
Welland I think that it's interesting that you said that you know we all havepeople around us generally speaking that care for us that want to see the bestfor us.
AndI think that that's one of the misconceptions we're going to talk about it theother ones just a second but one of the misconceptions I find is that a lot.
Alot of seniors that we work with a tea and toast actually feel like.
[11:29] There's no one around thatthey're being a burden that they don't want to ask.
AndI feel like that is the complete opposite from my own knowledge point of viewwhat are they do you agree Mock and what are some of the other misconceptionsthat you've learned yeah
Iabsolutely I absolutely agree and it's a subject that it's very difficult forpeople historically special in the prior generation I think it's improving withthe Next Generation but people
didwant to talk about money it's a taboo subject and you know you don't want todiss you know disturb the people the other thing is and this I'm seeing day inand day out and I'm actually quite
surprisedabout it and how people
avoidtalking about death avoid talking about degradation or critical illness ofthose scenarios people don't want it's very very difficult and part of thegroup called compassion and Ottawa who we actually
doa workshop for an hour and a half and I was stunned an hour and a half just toopen a conversation so so really.
Youknow the misconception is you shouldn't talk about it it's exactly the oppositeand the misconception is people really.
Areopen they want people want to help so so the difficult part is to find thetrigger to get it started okay and really I'm going to say to people just tofind the right opportunity to
toopen a conversation in the case of my parents I kind of.
[12:58] I was worried through my lifethat whether they have the means especially if they live long and at 88 and if484 they were still kicking pretty strong and having an active life and livingin the countryside and so on and one day they said
we'regoing.
Wehave sold our place and we're going to move to the city and I said oh becauseto me the house was a buffer
inequityBob for should there be not enough money and I had no idea to situation but Ididn't that a humble life so I didn't know there's no that was a trigger so Iuse that
andstart a conversation and was interesting my dad was really open and it reallystarted
buildinga strong relationship and you kind of relationship with my parents that wasvery good my mom was a little bit more resistant and it was interesting becauseat one point so listen I'd like to help you in a planning but really.
I'mdoing my own planning and I need to know whether I'll need to subsidize you andall of that.
[13:57] Change the whole situation wemove forward so that must I'm not saying that's the same trigger for everybodybut find a trigger to start the conversation it's hard.
Butfor a lot of people but once you have it then it's a wonderful experience Icould say I'm I had such a
goodfeeling and good time to build a new relationship and get to know our parentsfrom another angle and get closer to them so it's been great.
Thething is interesting that you said to about how you're planning your more youneed to know there and so there's lots of people myself included that have.
Parentsobviously that you know there are going to be seniors eventually or going orour seniors now and.
There'sa there's a the generation below that are looking at okay do I need to extendmoney or care or services or time.
Tomy loved ones as they age what does it look like but the problem is is that alot of us are putting this puzzle together in the dark.
Andso even you know Mike and I we have three parents that were in the back of mymind planning for
butwe have very limited information and I think using any of that type ofinformation to open the doors is valuable but also to know and I would like toknow if you agree
thatyou know one conversation to open a door might not open the door the whole wayand so to kind of hang in there and
doit respectfully but maybe have to open the door a couple of times.
[15:24] I'm more than agree in factas I started opening a conversation I knew was going to be a journey I didn'tknow how long.
Thefinancial process to get a Baseline and I'm not even talking about a verycomplex Baseline was about 6 months where I could say and you know honestly
ifI would have had the day at I could have probably done it in two days but itwas this concept of going at the pace of their wood durability to to acceptinformation to work information
wealso had to
Billand evolve the relationship with their financial advisor because there's a fewthings that need to be changed and so on and you know then
honesttrusted their financial advisor and they need to build the trust into
meand my siblings in order to make that transition but yeah his long process andyou got to be it's important to go very carefully and very methodically.
[16:21] For sure and there's somethere's also folks that have had trusted certain professionals throughout theirlives like doctors and stuff that.
Thingschange right and sometimes whoever they're dealing with doesn't actually have afull picture and therefore we need to look at it a little bit different.
Butlet's take a break muck and after the break we're going to continue thisconversation go grab a cup of tea stretch your legs you're watching Artfulaging with Amy on Bowl Break TV.
[16:48] If you're a planner or tryingto be one things you should know as a great place to start.
Personalinformation power of attorney info and real estate is just a fraction of theinformation you can store in this fillable planner and Record Keeper.
[17:02] Download your free copy todayat ten toes to dot c a forward slash medical Dash planner to get started.
[17:12] Hello and thanks for joiningus again Mark is an author of advocacy and aging as you can see here andthere's a link to his book on Artful aging with a me.com.
Advocacyfor our loved one is such an important conversation as you're either learningor you know a already but could you maybe give us some more information aboutyour book what's the main issue that you're addressing in the book.
[17:35] Yes the whole book started by
asI mentioned earlier the the concept that we're going to live longer and we allneed to accept that there's going to be degradation and capabilities and withthat you're going to need help.
Andsupport which is kind of not natural we all have to remember that we were bornand then we built the skills.
Tofly by our own wings and have our own independence and now we're talking about.
Takingway that and handing it over and that's not a concept that you know most peopleare proud to have you know flown by their own wings and.
Youknow done whatever they've done in life and belt whatever they built and nowyou're going to again hand it over because
youhave to admit that you may not be as capable as you are or your children oryour spouse are better position than you so it's a hard concept to do so whenyou start but when you start
acceptingthat reality and you start planning accordingly
thenit helps so the book is about putting the framework that says.
[18:43] What do you need to plan foras you go as you age and it puts a settee
youknow in the end I've now discovered it's kind of an umbrella it's an umbrellathat addresses all the areas that you need to address while you're aging
andputs a set of principles and criteria so that when you go in more depth in eachof those areas and you know it's a finite it's about financial planning it's about
legaltomorrow organizing it's about transitioning.
Idon't go deep in all there's there's lots of books and experts on financialplanning there's lots of experts on legal but it's a set of principle that saysyou need to worry about these areas,
andyou need to do your homework and this is what you need to look for.
Whenwhen you have those areas and we'll talk a little bit more a little the nextsection about what I mean in certain those areas but it's is very important andwhat I find out is there's a lot of.
Expertsand books on each of the topics.
Butthere's not a set of principle and an overall map that guides you to where youneed to go so that's fun to let me the book and through that book as Imentioned earlier
itbecame very clear there's a lot of open Communications that have to be had andyou need to involve people and build relationships
thatwill fundamentally end up being your team that's going to support you throughthe life transitions.
[20:06] I think a lot of what peopledon't understand is that like you said they're you know they're going to astage in life
theymay not have as much control especially if it's a cognitive issue and theymight be losing different controls in their life that they're not wanting to doand like I said no one's proud to do that but.
Whatwe try to tell the community and what I'm doing with Artful aging is to tellpeople that you know if you plan then it will be your choice if you don't planit won't be your choice it's kind of.
[20:38] I want to say black and whitebecause it's sort of is it's like if you can make a plan and educate your teamand your family a what you want.
Mostoften the family and the team are going to follow the plan as you go andtherefore you will have choice but the people that stick their head in the sand,
theyare the ones that end up not having choice we had a client that called us theother day that wanted to move to a retirement home but when we started askingher some questions of information that we need to do,
theprocess properly what the retirement home might need for information she saidno I don't want to divulge anything I don't want anybody to know anything
Iwill wait until I'm in a critical spot in the hospital and then they will sendme to a retirement home and for you know professionals like ourselves isjaw-dropping although not uncommon and it's just like
thatthat amount of people that don't want people to know what their business is andit's unfortunate because if they actually would just do a plan
thenpeople could help them and they wouldn't get in a situation where they feellike things are being taken away with from them.
[21:43] What about life transitionsMark what kind of Life transition should seniors contemplate when they're kindof looking at what to plan I guess.
WellI think that.
[21:55] You know I think it'sdifferent for everybody but what's clear is there will be life Transitions okayand I there's a book I particularly was inspired.
[22:05] With early on in my journeyby Katie Butler it's called The Art of dying and she's much more focused on thehealth care side and.
Andthe support that you need through that but she typically has four five phasesthere where you know you go from Total Independence to
partiallydependents to ultimately end of care life in palliative care and when you lookthat you kind of realize there's some gradual steps and in those steps you willneed different,
supportfrom people around you whether it's emotional or actually very tangible actionsyou may and likely will need to have some,
hometransition and whether it's changing your own home or going retirement home ornursing home or palliative care and all of that so,
it'snot black and white and not everyone goes through all the phases and noteveryone you know the same duration but there are those kinds of Lifetransition and you need to.
[23:01] To be cognitive of those asyou said you need to
communicateyour wishes and your values and beliefs so that whoever's around you especiallyif you lose your cognitive skills we're able to support you properly accordingto your wishes not how other people
Iwould like to do it in the end it's this is all about the planning I reallylike your keep bringing everyone your show about the planning and and and thepreparation and it's all about.
[23:30] If you plan and you have aclear view of knowing that you're you're organized and you have a team aroundyou then you could live with peace of mind and really maximize the quality oflife through all those
lifetransition and really that's what it's all about we were entering you knowpeople are ending year entering a journey and.
Everyonedeserves a quality of life whatever state we don't like to complicatecontemplate being degraded from where we are today but you we all deserve andyou want quality of life for everybody
yeahand I hope that you know as
Generationsage everybody gets more used and understanding that there's transitions becausea lot of the seniors we work with right now who don't want to plan they sticktheir head in the sand they said well I'm going to go out feet first.
[24:14] It's like well that's notreally a plane probably is generally doesn't happen I don't know the stats onhow many people just kind of Drop Dead and that's it and you know they'rehealthy one minute and they're gone.
Probablydoesn't happen that often and
youknow a lot of people are hedging their bets on that plan and you know it's allwe can do to say it's not quite a plan Let's Make a Better plan right so whatis there anything that seniors and caregivers can look for if they feel like anadvocacy issue is come up or anything that they could look for for planningpurposes
youknow I'm not sure I fully understand the question but I do believe one of thethings.
Iwant people focus on the financial side I think people need to start thinkingof the healthcare side a lot more and I particularly am a proponent of.
[25:05] Going to do a health caredirective some people call it a living will or Advance care and I think that
that'snot an easy process but if you could open the conversation on that topic all ofa sudden it forces you to think through of scenarios that.
[25:22] It's fun scenarios that youneed to think about and it's even hard even if you
youkind of say that even if you're on a diagnostic people that had a critical inhis diagnostic will tell you how difficult it is to crystallize their wishesbut the more you.
Idon't want it everyone spent all their time there but if you spend some time
todo so and eventually start opening the conversation opening over other peopleyou'll find it eventually you're your own values and beliefs gets crystallizedand that really helps you.
Planand decide for what may be the care you want.
[26:00] Sure sure okay well Mac we'regoing to take a break we're going to continue the conversation when we comeback we are watching Artful aging with Amy will see you in a few.
[26:09] Are you watching us onYouTube but would rather listen to us in the car or on a walk no problemartfully aging with Amy is also available as a podcast.
Headover to Artful aging with a me.com for the links.
[26:25] Welcome back to our pledgingwith Amy I'm your host Amy Friesen and today we're talking about advocacy andaging with Max again.
Mikecould you tell us a little bit more about advocacy and aging your book about theFive Pillars that you have in here.
[26:41] Yes Indiana as I went throughthe.
[26:44] The whole thought process ofwhat do we have to plan for doing the age in years or for the Aging years Ishould say I ended up summarizing.
Andstructuring the book based on Five Pillars so I'm going to briefly go throughthem
there'ssome words in the title are very important but you may not pick it up rightaway but I'm going to try to bring the live and so that you get a good sense ofit the first one is about financial management and planning but it saysstructure
youryour financial plan to enable transition so the word structure is veryimportant in what I've uncovered is there's a lot.
[27:23] There's a lot of financialadvisors a lot of financial planners some some of them are investment advisorrather than planners and so on but.
I'venot often seen someone structured in a way that is simple.
Foreveryone to understand and be able to use that as an approach and I used anapproach called the three allotment approach which is very simple it or oneallotment is about
whatyou need to live until the planning cycle so if you plan to 90 or 95 which ispretty much standard these days there is then the second allotment which is.
Peopleare afraid of not having enough but if you plan to do a proper plan you'll beable to put your assets and the necessary.
[28:03] What net part of your networth that.
We'llcover those exceptional circumstance exceptional Healthcare living too long orlong it's never too long I would say and so on and then.
Theone that's magical to me is the Atlantic third allotment for some people thathave managed to build more of a network is what you'll never need.
Andno one ever openly structures that way
butI really like that because once you see that picture you get a very clear viewand it gives you comfort but also especially if you have extra then in thatlets you think about.
Okaythis is the inheritance or this is what I want to give to charity or this iswhat I work for and you can start now thinking of doing it while your.
Whileyou're alive so why not gift to charity enjoy that and participate in it whynot give the inheritance early to your kid but you people don't tend oruncomfortable to did unlock the unless you have a clear picture it also
that'sstructure allows an easy transition so if you cut talk Hollow level 2 power ofattorneys,
R2and your family of here's the big picture and then the details could workthemselves so I talked about a lot that and.
[29:16] You know and I also put a bigemphasis on a financial plan is not just an investment plan encompasses budgetsobjective and so on so forth so,
numberone number two pillar is about the Legal Foundation
AaronMcNabb McNair of did a great job in one of your prior episode to go and some ofthe details I really focus in the title has
hasthe word activate in there and activate now it also talks about health caredirective what I found out is that.
[29:49] In too many cases andespecially in The Living Years not as much as a problem with Wills but for thepower of attorney they're either not in place or not activated.
Andpeople think well you know this is a legal document be easy but I'm going totell you it's work
toput in place and make your power of attorney active and what I mean by that isyou may find out like I when I went through it my parents
ittook me about nine months to 12 months I was not going a fast pace but you knowI
butby the time you find out all the institutions and the organizations that needto have your power of attorney each one of them have their approval process andsome of them actually.
[30:30] Especially Banks may notrecognize the power of attorney and go through the process and if the personcan't be there dude to attest that yes you are the delegate then it could be along process which in some cases could be problematic so I encourage people to,
activateit and activate now for some people that's scary you know if I say my son Ihave access to everything while I can't do that
wellwhy not.
[30:55] I'm not sure I trust him wellwhat if you fall on your head tomorrow and you're in a coma you trust them nowto manage your Affairs so to me I know it's,
it'snot the norm I know that it's not comfortable for people to do that but I'm Ispent a lot of time in that pillar to talk about.
Theneed to put the Legal Foundation and but more so to do it now I also put anemphasis as a set earlier on the health care directive so that's kind of pillar,
pillarthree again was covered very well why is Rahzel grenouille.
Millerin one of her previous segment was it's about simplifying organizing downsizingweaving spend all our life accumulating.
Assetsand goods it's part of our quality of life but really we're not usingnecessarily all especially as you age you may not need a bigger home or thecottage may become a burden so on still,
howdo you slowly it doesn't have to be done overnight but how does slowly downsizeand so on and ultimately and most.
Isto document and I know Amy you've got a great organizer and on your websitethat says how do you document everything I think the documentation is criticaland I'm going to tell you my personal.
Criteriaand approach is.
[32:11] I want my whoever issomething happened to me within 24 hours I want people to be up my whether it'smy wife my kids to be operational
Idon't want them to be looking for information I don't want them to bescrambling to get approval to access the information and so on so forth Ibasically want them to operate and that's part of how I document
alsohow I communicate so they know how organized but it's easier done if you alsosimplifies and downsize and so on so so that's the third pillar 4th and 5th are.
Fairlyobvious the fifth fourth is about how to gradually transition the management ofyour financials and your estate
andthe fifth one is the healthcare and nearly you do that in phases with myparents fundamentally we open the communication worked on the plan togethereventually I started shadowing
mydad and I had quarterly review and and eventually I took over some part of theInvestments,
andanyhow gradually and one day my dad has mild stroke and said
Itrust you you know better than me you're more capable and he basically says youdo it and so you do that in faces and it ends up working great so those that'ssummer the Five Pillars and with that I created Five sub teams.
[33:24] That they get built over thatperiod of time I think people don't realize as you're talking about to thatit's a massive undertaking,
forsomeone to step into somebody else's shoes right it's you know we're lost andthat's what you're trying to do and what I'm trying to do is give peopleDirection and like and tools.
Sothat you could step easier into those but you have to have participation forthe person's shoes that you're stepping into and so anything that you can do tohelp these people
isbetter I mean we speak with a lot of Executives as well and it's a nightmareright like it's a long long process it's very involved,
sojust to have those extra things in place.
Itwould make things much easier after the break Mike and I are going to speakabout top tips for people in their senior years and I want to know if Mark'simplemented his own advice.
We'llbe back in a minute and are pledging with Amy.
[34:19] Are you a native retirementliving but unsure where to begin a retirement home advisors .c a we havebrought Senior Living advisors together from all over Canada to help familiesnavigate the senior living industry.
Formore information book a call with one of our advisors today.
[34:37] Welcome back to her fullaging with Amy I hope you had time to get a stretch and a tea or coffee we'retalking with mock about advocacy and aging we're going to look for some tipsfor people who are entering their senior years but I have to ask Mark
nowthat you're a young guy tell me have you implemented your suggestions
fromadvocacy and aging because although I Implement a lot of what I do into my lifethere are definitely still things on my to-do list so how is your to-do list.
Yeahwell thank you for asking and you know I have I will be honest in my answerhere let me let me first speak about yes I've implemented it let's talk aboutmy parents and my parents pretty,
prettymuch became a bit of The Benchmark for the framework because as I said earlierin the in the call it was.
[35:29] You know I was first had aneye-opener through my my in-laws and this is where I kind of said you know I'mgoing to go be proactive in my parents and it was a great process and I'm goingto say that most of the book in the book.
[35:43] Tell us a story about myparents to reach of the pillars it tells stories about other people.
Alsobut fundamentally I would say I've implemented most if not all of that for myparents the part that I'm a little weak is on the health care directive by thetime that it was.
[36:01] We had the opportunity to orwe should have had the discussion it was probably too late my mom is well intodementia and my dad is getting older and it's difficult conversation it was kindof interesting because of Thanksgiving last year when he had read the book hesaid to me
wedone everything in the book I said well
mostof it but they were a little weak on the health care directive and and weactually have a conversation I actually learned a lot from that conversationgot the most out of it but it's not as far as I'd like but my Benchmark ispretty pretty high on that one so that's good let's talk about me
youknow for sure my financial planning process is.
Iwould say in good shape it took a long time,
eventhough I knew where I was going and so on to get the answers on threeallotments to get the clarity was looking to be able to communicate,
tothe broader group of my family or the group I want to talk to you in a way thateveryone can understand without getting into complex spreadsheet which a lot ofinvestors do in curves and so on it's very simple but easy to communicate sothat's good
I'mkind of the communication process I'm early days it's going to be a process andit take a while so that.
Youdo get to a point where my delegates will be able to operate exactly as I ambut I started the conversation that the Legal Foundation is there.
[37:23] It's been shared openly withmy children the health care directive been shared in fact my
myson often you get used to it is all you're getting all this is what you said wewant and we should do it
wewant to ski trip is all you got to paint your back that you don't like thosethings while we're going to act on your health care directive now so so that sothat's underway but I don't think they understand and feel it
asmuch so it's going to be an ongoing communication process and so on.
[37:53] The organizing this hasbecome a philosophy of mine yes I think that within 24 hours,
mywife or anyone will find the documents they are aware they've seen all thedocuments it's.
Probablymore detailed that anyone would want but I found out that as you go and you putyourself in the mode that.
[38:16] Tomorrow I won't be there insomeone's got to figure this out and you kind of say well I need to documentthis way or I need to simplify so so on I'm saying I'm pretty organized but.
Youknow there's still a lot to do in terms of communication so I think I'm earlydays in the communications.
I'mearly days and transitions I am putting in place.
Likeon the financial transition the POS would financial institution give,
delegatesincluding my kids the rights to all of those people saw I think I'm a littlecrazy but I built the trust and I'm building Trust,
onthe healthcare very interesting I've actually shared my health care directivewith my doctor.
Andunfortunately for covid it was you know hard to have some live interaction butwhat one thing that was kind of interesting was that after I sent her the document.
Threemonths later I had an appointment and she said to me do you mind if I shareyour document with my colleagues.
[39:20] And I said to her tell me whyand she says well I've never seen something so simple so clear.
BeforeI seen I've seen others but this is clear and I really understand your wishesand I think we all should adopt that as said well.
[39:38] But before you share thatneed to tell you that there's a book that comes with is the book and not beenreleased so so I've actually sent her the book and we had the next conversationbut it was really telling to me that.
[39:51] And my goal in my health caredirective was not only to communicate my wishes but make it easy for someoneelse to understand so that you know in a circumstance that there was no there'sa bit of controversy around the health care directive,
ifit's not clear then you know there's then debates within family we even withmedical questioning this was I guess my health care directive was.
[40:14] It's pretty good in thatrespect and that's something I work to work towards so that was really good so,
sothat's kind of summary where I'm at and you know I've got myself a five toeight year or a horizon so that I really feel.
Thatat least with my core family and the key people that I want as part of myAdvocates that they've gone to the necklace the next level of depth so it's allin place.
Itstarted the communications process but it's an ongoing process think it's aninteresting spot to point out as well that.
[40:46] Because of your backgroundyou have X amount organized and because of my background I have X amountorganized so and we're professionals and what we do.
Butwe still don't have it all together and so for people who are not Professionalsin these types of fields.
Evenmore reason to plan early because we actually know the direction in the path itmight be a time thing it might be a process thing for us.
Butthere's a lot of people who don't even know what path they're on and so that'seven more reason to start planning ahead and trying to organize things.
Evenbefore you think that you need it what's the reaction to your book b mark.
[41:22] I'm going to tell you it'sbeen it's been quite gratifying because you know you never know if youcommunicate clearly whether it's a subject people like and so on,
everyonethat's read the book has literally taken an action Within,
daysof reading the book and you know I have enough of a sample to know that that'sthe case and you know
itwas particularly pleasing when I you know there's some people that I lawyersand financial my own financial advisor and his wife actually ended up changingtheir plan going to the lawyer.
Notonly everyone is taking tangible actions but you know some people that youwould have thought are very very organized so so that's been gratifying to me
andthat's the goal is to share the wisdom share the you know the approach so thatmore people get organizing
I'llbriefly mention one of the biggest it's not a word but not salvation is if youdon't plan I've seen that.
[42:28] Often the consequences are alot of family Rift and I seen it over and over and all the stories I've livedthrough and that's kind of what I'm going so the book was the great receptionpeople are acting
interestingpeople usually zoom in on one approach they don't grasp the umbrella so I havea checklist at the end of a retailer so I recommend to people go back becauseyou really.
Zoomin on one part but you missed the other because you I guess it opened your eyeson that part but don't miss out on the others.
[42:58] Well Mark I think that I'mhoping that today's conversation has been really good for all of our viewershas been definitely eye-opening for me as well.
Iwant to thank you for coming on again this is this has been terrific so thanksso much for joining us today and thank you for having me and thank you forputting these episodes I think it's important for.
TheNext Generation to plan and and really also our children my children are noteven organized for their own stage of life and and even though we're focused onAging this applies for everybody thank you.
Absolutelywell after the break we're going to go over my top tips from today for thosefolks who love the Coles notes version you're watching Artful aging with Amyhere on Bold Brave TV.
[43:38] Are you in your familyconsidering Senior Living options but you're not quite sure where to start.
[43:43] In my best-selling bookbreadcrumbs piecing together the retirement living industry you will find tipsand strategies for navigating the entire Journey.
Whetheryou're needing help with understanding the basics or strategies to help a lovedone with dementia it's all inside.
Headover to tea and toast dot c a /e book to pick up your copy today.
[44:06] Welcome back to Artful agingwith Amy we're speaking with mock today about advocacy on Aging I hope that youdid enjoy today if you would like a link to Mark's book please head over toArtful aging with a me.com,
there'sa link for the book as well as his bio,
alsowhat Mark was mentioning was our booklet for planning which is on the tea andtoast site and there's a link for that honor for aging as well,
let'sgo over a couple of top tips for advocating for your loved one so my top tip isreally to observe.
Andcheck in often there's a lot of seniors
thatdon't want to bother people there's a lot of seniors that don't want to sayanything it doesn't even have to be specifically a senior if you if you thinksomething is going on and that somebody could use an extra voice and extraperson to help ideally if you're checking in often to show them that you care
thatwill open up a little bit more of that communication that Mike was talkingabout.
[45:01] Number two if you need tohave if you if it's needed help one of your loved ones assess the care thatthey're getting on a regular basis people's care needs change all the time.
Andthey may need more care or they actually made need less care if they're gettingbetter and so it's always important that if there's Healthcare folks involvedlike PS W is our support workers.
Andyou're hiring a company or you're getting it from a retirement home or you'rebringing in the public care always try to look at what the care is coming inand.
Andevaluate whether you need it well whether that person would need it still orthey need more or less because.
There'salso value on both sides if they need more care let's get the care of them sothat they're safe.
Butalso if they need less care let's maybe look at a plan to take away some careso they remain independent and they can retain that I think that's just asimportant at times.
[45:54] Number three don't be afraidto say something as I said people don't.
[45:59] Tell them what a lot aboutwhat's going on and tell me all the time that they're having issues withproviders and they don't feel like they say anything and so a lot of seniorsare actually having
issues
withsomebody with a provider with someone that's giving care and they don't want tosay anything we get that with other businesses as well they have a problem butthey are afraid to say something
andso going back to you know if you're checking in often you're going to be at thefirst of that issue hopefully that you can,
Rectifyit quickly so don't be afraid to say something my Outlook is as long as you arerespectful
andyou ask them if you can give them a pinion usually that'll open up aconversation and people won't get their backup as much as opposed to justsaying hey Mom I feel like this or hey Mom and they're coming at them we alwaystell our clients a tea and toast make room for the conversation
letyour loved one know that you have concerns that you would like to speak to themabout it don't be afraid to open that door
andthere you have it so on next week's show we're going to talk about brain healthand nutrition
againif you're looking for resources head over to Artful aging with a me.com you'llfind links to everything there
ifyou've enjoyed this episode please share it with your friends like us onYouTube or Facebook and help get the word out of Artful aging with a me.com Ialmost feel like we should call it the planning show so from me to all of you Ihope that you have a wonderful Wednesday and we're live on Bold Brave TV everyweek take care.
[47:27] You've been listening toArtful aging with host femi.
Manyfolks just like you feel they're alone in their journey and helping a loved oneor.
Sotune in each week and let a me show you that help is around the corner and it'sjust one conversation away here on Artful Aging with Amy
